Orbiters

Alien Invasion: Your Questions Answered

…The ultimate purpose of AI is to watch us. The rest is just flak. AI can’t write, and never will. It can’t give honest advice, because people program the thing and people, quite sadly, are dishonest.

But AI is here to stay, and to watch, and there’s no escaping. Before AI you could hide. You were just one in bazillions. Now we all have a dossier. What kind of dossier? Whether we are pro- or anti-government, of course.

We can’t hide, but we can mislead. Dishonesty is in our nature, after all. For every anti-government site visit a pro-site. And vice versa. That oughta mix AI up, at least a little. It won’t be able to tell if you’re anti-government or not.

BTW I’m pro. On to Orbiters…

Orbiters is a work of fiction. However, all that has been described here could really happen. Recorded history only goes back four thousand years. Our ancestors might have built a sophisticated civilization long before that. Then vanished without a trace. Just as our current civilization could vanish without a trace, leaving a few goat herders to start the whole thing over again.

Admit it. Orbiters is not that far-fetched.

Yes it is. But there is a chance, albeit small, and that’s my point. Moon people may well be headed back here as we speak. And they aren’t going to just shake hands and discuss the weather. They’re taking over, and it won’t be pretty.

If indeed the Malthusians are coming we, as citizens of Earth, should expect a few common-sense answers to a few common-sense questions, as follows.

Question: The stock market has been unpredictable lately. What happens after the Malthusians invade? Up or down?

Answer: Down.

Question: I understand we’ll all be relocated to Mars. What about credit card debt?

Answer: It will be forgiven.

Question: Can I bring my golf clubs?

Answer: Sure. Don’t forget your sand wedge.

Question: Is there TV on Mars?

Answer: Yes. Malthusian programming includes instructional videos on oral hygiene, exercise, wellness, vegetarian cooking, and good books.

Question: But what will we do for fun?

Answer: See above.

Question: What color are Malthusians?

Answer: Purple. Just kidding. They’re all colors, just like the rest of us.

Question: You say Malthusians were once Earthlings. What happened?

Answer: About fourteen thousand years ago Malthusians left for the Moon. They built vast underground colonies, erected cities, farmed under the glow of stars, and lived long, loving, useful lives. A sort of heaven on Earth. Or heaven on the Moon. Now they’re coming back. Why? It’s only a matter of time before we discovered them. And needless to say, Earthlings haven’t got the best record when it comes to international relations.

Question: I know Earth is a mess. But Malthusians are kind. Why don’t they just give us their technology?

Answer: We’d only blow ourselves up. This isn’t rocket science. Actually it is.

Question: Listen you. I’m not going to Mars. Me and my buddies are escaping to North Dakota where we’ll dig concrete bunkers, brew beer, build home-made howitzers, and...

Answer: When space zeppelins arrive everyone will be given $100,000 in Space Bucks. You can use these at malls, go-kart tracks and 24-hour casinos. Kinda like Vegas, only free. You’ll get on.

Question: Trump has been causing more trouble than usual, and it’s just getting worse. Any chance of leaving him behind?

Answer: No. And being a democratic society, Malthusia will even allow him to run once more, as president of Mars. Hey, they can’t fix everything.