Orbiters
Money Talks
Can’t wait? Orbiters is available as an e-book here
Like almost all problems, conquering Earth is a math problem. It will take a certain amount of days to round up everyone. Then a certain amount of space zeppelins to pack them off to Mars. Then a certain amount of money to bribe leaders.
Bribery? Really?
Absolutely. Money talks, even during an apocalypse.
“How much money do you have, Kern?” Captain Darryl Rollhagen sat at the head of a long table.
Kern reached into the pocket of his jumpsuit. He pulled out bills and carefully counted. “Twelve bucks.”
“How about you, Ensign?”
Bremer didn’t have to check her pockets, which were empty. “Even less,” she said. “And I would have to break into the piggy bank I got at Epcot, when I was six. I don’t want to break my piggy bank.”
“We don’t want you to either, Ms. Bremer.” Rollhagen drummed fingers. “How much free cash do we have in storage, Barb?”
Barbara Holt opened a folder. She frowned. “You won’t like it, Captain.”
“Just tell me.”
“Six hundred million.”
“You’re right. Not nearly enough.” He turned to his lieutenant commander. “Mr. Kern, you’ll have to get down to Earth and get some more cash.”
“Why me?” Kern didn’t like Earthlings. It might be said Kern didn’t like anyone. But especially Earthlings. “And how much?”
“Not much. Ten or twenty billion will do. For now.”
Kern knew why a job like this fell on him. He’d made the same heist before. Posing as an investment banker, he opened an office on Wall Street. After schmoozing with a few big shots, none of whom seemed to know what was going on, Kern discovered a pattern. On sunny days the market went up. On cloudy days the market went down. In two weeks he took three billion from the U.S. Stock Market, then jetted back to Spaceship One. He hadn’t paid any taxes. He assumed the IRS was still looking for him.
“I can’t go on another trip like that,” Kern said. “Why don’t we just tunnel into Fort Knox? We could do that in a day.”
“You’re talking about outright theft, Mr. Kern.”
“Yes I am.”
“I can’t approve of that. Wealth must be acquired through honest toil.”
Kern exhaled. What a Goody Two-Shoes. Furthermore, how did the captain think the wealthy got their money, anyway? They stole it. There wasn’t an honest game left on Earth and Kern, from experience, knew it.
The captain moved ahead. “Just get down there and get the money, and no goofing off.” He imagined any trip to Earth would involve plenty of goofing off.
“Consider it done,” said the commander.
He’d get the money, all right. But he would do it his way. No more being nice to everyone, eating lunches at the Four Seasons, playing golf at Shinnecock Hills. This time he would go straight to the top of the feeding chain. You wouldn’t exactly call it a visit from the goon squad. How they took it was up to them.